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Lesley-Ann Brown
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Aya - put some respect on her name

ayahuasca vine illustration imt

*content warning* 

describes the use of nontraditional methods of treating trauma and the use of psychedelic substances. this article is meant to educate and not as a prescription.

by Lesley-Ann Brown

I’m not a sociologist, so I’m not fully equipped to interpret what it means when a person or thing becomes a punchline to a Chelsea Handler joke, but I am sure there are worse fates. Still, when I heard ayahuasca’s name come out of her mouth, I felt a need to speak up for it like you’d speak up to a bully picking on your best friend. Although, in all fairness to Handler, the joke was funny, this time. 

I’m using Chelsea Handler as an example here – because I know how problematic she can be. And the fact that I’m engaging with this name, is a testimony to the power of ayahuasca.  

Full disclosure: I’m one of those annoying folks who refer to ayahuasca as ‘Aya.’ But according to the South African Black Consciousness Scholar Simmi Dullay, ‘Aya’ is an ancient word that could mean many things. She explains, "it could mean mother, caregiver, a nurse even. So calling the plant by this name repositions the wisdom archetype of the crone, grandmother, and teacher.”  And in many ways, this is precisely what Aya has the potential to be. So, in my efforts to decenter humans and work on my speciesism, this is how I will refer to her for the rest of this piece.  Aya

Originally from South America, the concoction is usually composed of the ayahuasca vine (Banisteriopsis caapi), the chacruna leaf (Psychotria viridis), the charanga vine, and an assortment of other plants. “Ayahuasca” can refer to either the vine itself or the brew — of which the vine is one of the constituents. Preparing this brew is an hours-long affair. The chemical composition of the two plants provides the user with a psychedelic experience. The ayahuasca vine's hallucinogenic substance, dimethyltryptamine (DMT), is also secreted from our brains. But we can’t eat it because our stomach enzyme monoamine oxidase blocks its effects. So, somehow, a long time ago, folks learned to combine these plants just so their psychedelic properties could take effect. How did practitioners of the past know to combine these particular plants for this specific effect? 

Its effect induces hallucinations that include, but are not limited to, visitations from other beings, feelings of spiritual ecstasy, deep connection, and even enlightenment. There’s the other side as well — I know folks who have plummeted into the bowels of hell while on this stuff. It’s not for the faint of heart. The experience can be intense. 

The ayahuasca vine — which looks very much like its Latin name, a rope banister of sorts — along with its cohorts in herbal healing, is said to have been used for various aspects of recovery for millennia. This idea, however, has received a little pushback, with some suggesting that ayahuasca use may not be a ritual spanning back millennia but a new one, picked up by the people in a demonstration of how culture changes, updates, and accommodates. 

 Western science still cannot understand how this chemical concoction was figured out by the otherwise “primitive” folk of the Amazon. It continues to be baffled by Amazonians’ vast botanical knowledge, all of which they claim came from the plants themselves. To let you know just how real this is, the chemical compound we use for anesthesia today was borrowed from them (with no financial compensation). Their curare — an admixture of various plants in which they then dipped their darts — would paralyze their prey when hit. There are many different concoctions of this — each providing a specific type of paralysis that the hunter may wish for their game. This would later revolutionize medical anesthesia. 

The plants, they said, told them in a dream. 

For the record, Aya came through for me during a difficult period. And while it is true that this ceremony has been co-opted and abused many times over, as well as reports of over-harvesting the plants involved – there are sustainable ways to obtain it and respectfully participate in the ceremony. I don’t think, however, that Aya is for everyone. I’m not telling you to do Aya.  Do your research. I am merely attempting to restore the rightfully dignified position that she deserves. 


My first and last encounter (one was enough!) was in the Danish countryside with about twenty other participants. Like everyone else that evening, I had come to this ceremony for healing. Through the very nature of the ceremony, I was made aware that this healing process wasn’t just for me but was a collective endeavor as well.  That created a deep feeling of community for me. 


My ayahuasca experience was full of black panthers, floating angels, and great feelings of universal love. I felt a strong sense of connectedness with all around me. I also cried for a large portion of the eight-hour journey and, in the process, rid my body of many tears I was meant to shed. 

There’s ample evidence from various scholarly reports that ayahuasca can assist our species in reconnecting with ourselves, each other, and the natural world around us. It has had and continues to have success in treating addiction and trauma. A part of me holds space for the intelligence “nature” holds, an intelligence we humans may not always be privy to. There’s a saying that you can tell what people need through the wild plants growing around them.  For example, dandelions tend to grow in abundance in heavily polluted areas – a plant known for its detoxifying properties. I say all this because I do believe there is a reason there has been such an uptick in Aya’s use, even to the point where it has become mundane, the butt of a Chelsea Handler joke. But I ask, what better medicine could this world use as we sit amidst a mental health crisis exacerbated by the pandemic? What better treatment could I try in my desperation to find peace and balance in an inner/outer world that sometimes seems so off-kilter?  Again, Aya isn’t for everyone, but she has been and continues to be a great teacher for those who feel compelled to lean into some plant wisdom. 


I write more about this and other treatments/studies around trauma in my recently published book, Blackgirl On Mars. You can purchase here 

Blackgirl on Mars is a radical memoir that chronicles author, educator and activist Lesley-Ann Brown's two years' worth of travel searching for "home".

As she travels across the US during the Black Lives Matter protests and Covid-19 pandemic and then to Trinidad and Tobago to attend the funeral of her grandmother, Brown tells her own life-story, as well as writing about race, gender, sexuality, and education, and ideas of home, family and healing.

Both a radical political manifesto and a moving memoir about finding your place in the world, 
Blackgirl on Mars is about what it means to be a Black and Indigenous woman in Europe and the Americas in the twenty-first century.

 

 

Finland is a country...

Finland is a country....



According to some conspiracy theorists (my son tells me), Finland is not real-- but here I am about to land. It's my second time here, and I can see the forests from up high, and this gives me comfort. The flight from Copenhagen to Helsinki is uneventful and short, two things I value. I take a cab from the airport to where I'll be staying for a week - I'm here to conduct a workshop at UniArts Helsinki/Theatre Academy in connection with the M/other Becomings Symposium; a two-day event where I was also invited to be among the host of keynote speakers and panels. m/other becomings is a collaboration between Laboratory for Aesthetics and Ecology (DK), The Association for Arts and Mental Health (DK), Kultivator (SE)Art Lab Gnesta (SE), and Bioart Society (FI).

Helsinki is green and sunny - the sun is out for the seven of the eight days that I'm there and wherever I walk the smell of lilacs and elderberry seem to follow. One morning, on my way to the Theatre Academy, I pass by a shrub of pine with pollen-laden cones. I discover from a local store that my place of temporary residence was once an insane asylum. Some mornings when I take this walk along the lake, on the undulating streets of Helsinki (watch yours step!) it seems like the bright yellow heads of the dandelions that bob in the breeze mock me slightly where are you going? stay here and hang with us! Look at you - so smart human. Going to work!  There is a sad silver sword philodendron in the window of a Thai restaurant that I pass everyday, and horsetail shoots - around since the time of dinosaurs pave my path in the park. Burdock, its leaves as large as callaloo bush - remind me of the medicine that's all around us, nature offering herself to us, her diversity unable to be grasped by my limited musings. 


Along with three students, Milda, Aino and Katinka - we co-created a zine exploring the themes of the upcoming symposium: m/otherhood. We spent the three days as if in an incubator - exchanging and developing ideas about m/otherhood.  We came up with Emo - the title a Finnish word that means "mother" for our animal relatives. You can it check out here - Emo.  It was a gift to get to work with these three thinkers and I'm impressed with the courage and vulnerability (the two are linked!) they all showed in this process. Together they touched upon themes of conflict mothering, intersections of class and sexuality, as well as some delving into their cunt-trees. I interviewed Wambui Njuguna-Raisanen, who practices integrates anti-racist work into her yoga practice, and included the piece in the zine. 

Summayah & Wambui 

Connections

Last August I was invited by The Caribbean Housewife, Dutch-Curaçaon Jamain Brigithe to co-create a program for Copenhagen's Kulterhavn festival. I decided that given the location - at Copenhagen's harbor - I would rewrite Hans Christian Andersen's The Little Mermaid with a decolonial twist. Sorgenfri follows the tale of a young Danish man who sets sail on this ill-fated journey first to the west coast of Africa where Denmark once had a slave forte, and once the ship is filled with enslaved Africans, to the Danish West Indies and back again, this time without its human cargo but full of the goods plantations run by free labor provide - but the ship never returns to Denmark, it disappears just as it arrives to these seas. The ship's fate is based on fact, and the main character, a young man from Jutland, is based on Søren Kierkegaard's father. I did this because I wanted to find out more about Kierkegaard's family involvement in the trade of enslaved Africans, something that was shared with me by  Jamaica Kincaid, with whom I had the pleasure of lunching with last spring. 

It was at this event that I met Malou Solfjeld, who had recently discovered she was pregnant. Solfjeld is the type of reader you want to have: someone who not only reads your work, but becomes an enthusiastic ambassador of such work. Through her I was connected to Ida Bencke, the co-organizer along with BioArts Society and Aalto University for the M/other Becomings Symposium. Bencke is a curator, editor and educator and co-founder of Aesthetics and Ecology.  Since then Solfjeld has given birth - welcome to the world little Mio! 

Care

Care - who gives it? Who receives it? Was a big theme at the M/others Becoming Symposium, and luckily, it really wasn't just talk. 

Talking about racial, class, gender and sexuality inequalities is one thing, but actually stepping up to the plate to ensure that individuals, no matter their socio-economic, racial, national background get the care that is necessary, is a must. I traveled a lot during my U.S. book tour,  and it takes its toll. Add to that that my grandmother transitioned during this period, I was, at times, a bit worn thin. Although it is a privilege to received invitations to far-away places, I now know that the way that I'm received is just as important. Am I showing up at a strange airport with no one to meet me? Is there someone who is available for support/contact? Does it have to be assumed that the participant carries the burden of the expenses up front, or is consideration given for those with less access to funds? 

It matters when we check in with one another, that we extend care to those who have traveled long distances to share space with us. I recently attended a conference with a friend who had traveled from a quite repressive country to participate in a conference about said repressive country- but it didn't seem as though the organizers took that into consideration. It's like having an anti-racism event in an overwhelmingly white country, inviting a Black person, but leaving that Black person to navigate this white foreign space alone. 

I'm happy to report that although I didn't travel far to get to Helsinki, Ida Bencke and Erich Berger and his team from BioArt Society, made me feel as though I was in good, capable and caring hands, and so safe and valued. 

M/other Becomings Day 1 & Day 2

On Thursday June 9th and Friday June 10 the M/other Becomings symposium happened at the Aalto Design Factory. From the website, the symposium is described as such: 

With the m/other becomings symposium, we conclude a two-year spanning collaboration between cultural institutions, artists, and thinkers which hosted a program of exhibitions, workshops and lectures in Denmark, Sweden, and Finland.

Over the course of two days with keynotes, panels, and with other formats we will take a closer look at the im/possibilities of mothering, not as an essence, but as troubled practice and as a modest, utopian, and oftentimes exhausted precursor of hope. We want to ask what it means – and may come to mean – to make, to mend, to make space for kin in spite of and against the social reproduction of sameness and compliance, and the (bio)politics of gendered and racialized violence. Likewise, we will explore reproductive futures and probe if and how life sciences allow us to challenge and transform our ideas and possibilities of reproduction and the maternal.

m/other becomings is a collaboration between Laboratory for Aesthetics and Ecology (DK), The Association for Arts and Mental Health (DK), Kultivator (SE)Art Lab Gnesta (SE), and Bioart Society (FI).

Guests included keynotes by Ionat Zurr (artist, Symbiotica), Tiia Sudenkaarne (researcher) as well as presentations and panels with Ida Bencke (curator, LabAE), Margherita Pevere (artist), Signe Johannessen (artist), Emilia Tikka (designer), Lyndsey Walsh (artist), Riina Hannula (artist), and Chessa Adsit-Morris(theorist, Center for Creative Ecologies).

You can see the entire symposium here - M/other Becomings Day 1 & Day 2  .

It's a privilege to be able to gather, share and develop ideas with such a diverse group of thinkers. One of the ideas that kept on cropping up was the idea that as humans, we could never really ever grasp the entirety of an understanding - an idea that I think is always important to keep up front in all of our intellectual investigations. Personally, I feel as this is one of the biggest hurdles of humankind - this idea that all can be grasped, comprehended. This is also something that the Palestinian scholar Magid Shihade reminds me whenever he talks about one of the people he has studied most, the 14th century North African historiographer Ibn Khaldoun, who also stated, and re-stated this conundrum of sorts. 

It's easy to go to a conference and walk away feeling drained: the indoor lighting, the hours and hours of social interactions, that can be crippling for those of us who are either exhausted by the oppressive scheduling of capitalism and all that it has to share: racism, classism, etc.  But this wasn't the case this time. Rather, I felt invigorated by the ideas being put forth by the other participants, from Zurr's reflections that included the narrative of the incubator (did you know that they artificially incubated eggs in ancient Egypt?!) and some of the ethical questions we may want to consider when we talk about life; life as fetish/commodity and the strange affair of babies in incubators on display at Coney Island once upon a time...

Ionat Zurr 


Tiia Sudenkaarne


"Queer feminist posthumanist reconfigurations, and reverence for life as an attitude, not as a moral system, could be laudably compatible with relationally and odd kin responsibility, paving the way to post humanist pro-life ethics without abandoning eco-and reproductive justice, " Tiia Sudenkaarne tells us, as well as, "Gender and sexual variance can expand understanding of good life and the human condition, and help us to solve post humanist moral dilemmas." 

Ida Bencke



Ida Bencke conjured up Revolutionary Mothering and the work of Alexis Pauline Gumbs and her groundbreaking Undrowned: Black Feminist Lessons from Marine Mammals.  Bencke talked about mothering as a revolutionary practice (Ala Cynthia Dewi Oka) and about an art project in which she was involved that made installations in a mental institution, and how this shifted the power dynamics. Bencke even showed an actual ad that was on display a few years ago here in Denmark - on busses and other public spaces, that encouraged Danes to have more babies (which made me wonder if there were any such campaigns in place in Black and brown countries? I could guess the answer...)

Emilia Tikka



Emilia Tikka (designer) spoke about Mnemonia: Memories of the Birds, and the work she is doing with Oula A. Valkeapaa, a Sami reindeer herder living in the northern fell region of Finland, close to the Arctic Ocean. Their work deals with how the lives of humans and reindeer coincide. Tikka is a Finnish born transdisciplinary designer whose research and design practice focuses on speculative storytelling, exploring novel biosciences and the human  a film  that involves futuristic possibilities that bridge the genetic memories between human and in this case, the reindeer, while Riina Hannula made space for microbes along with other non-human relatives



Margherita Pervere  Wombs – W.02 & W.03 was part of the exhibit held in conjunction with the symposium m/other becomings - installment II at SOLU Space . Her work  aims to "not only to provoke, unsettle, or inspire awe, but to stir broader discussions about the way we (who is we?) are in the world." 

Signe Johannessen a modern-day "bone collector"


Signe Johannessen, a modern-day bone-collector and storyteller, talked about the journey of mothering a child that was entrusted to her by the Swedish government, and how she allowed both her dog, who had recently lost a litter and other children, guide this journey and the many discoveries she unearthed through this path. She told tales of unicorn horns held in archives, and in a conversation I had with her later, told me about Christian V's burning of witches .

Lyndsey Walsh

Lyndsey Walsh spoke about "The so-called 'female' body as a suspicious body in mammography" as well as breast cancer in the media. Walsh also touched upon "'Previvor' media and the Angelina effect" which highlight "persisting inequalities in socioeconomic classes, race, gender and identity experiences that exist within media surrounding breast cancer media." 


Chessa Adsit-Morris talked about the book she edited becoming-Feral: A Bestiarum Vocabulum (Armstrong, J., Lakind, A., Adsit-Morris, C. & Saeter, R. 2021, Glasgow, Scotland: Objet-a Creative Studio.) which gave me a concept to hang the changes I have been instating in my life on. A new mother, Adsit-Morris-Morris is also a two -time national trail and mountain running champion. 

The day before leaving Helsinki to return to Denmark, I found out that an old friend of mine was also in Helsinki - Andre Amtoft. Andre tells me over an amazing dinner at Restaurant Nolla that there are over 20,000 types of bees, and most of them are solitary, meaning that they don't arrange their social structures around queens. He and his Habeetats colleague Signe Voltelen, were in Helsinki to install homes for these very important allies and relatives of ours. 

I would like to give a special thank you to all of the participants - I enjoyed each connection/conversation and feel deeply enriched by my interaction with each of you. A special thank you to Ida Bencke and Erich Berger for the invite, Lisa Kalkowski- whose insistence on "care" was appreciated and evident throughout the entire event, Milla Millasnoore, Immanuel Schipper,  a big thank you to Jyri Äärilä at Uniarts, , my Emo zine crew: Aino, Milda and Katinka! 

Also, a big congratulations to my spirit relative Gillian Goddard who recently won a well-deserved award for the work she is currently doing in the Caribbean. the Inter-American Institute for for Cooperation in Agriculture recently awarded her a "Leader of Rurality." Read here for more ! 



plant school




 


One of the markets that managed to fare well during the pandemic was houseplants - here in the west we invested lots of time and money on our plant relatives. And although it's a symptom of our general mass consumption, this one didn't annoy me as the usual transactional exchanges tend to. It made sense - we were stuck indoors. And because I took many walks during the first pandemic lockdown in New York, I witnessed the fact that spring happened, relatively unobserved by the human demographic. I saw buds emerge, patches of strawberries and flowers burst open relatively on their own. 
I know why I went houseplant crazy. 
I had recently returned to Denmark, and my friend gifted me with a pin-striped calathea - or prayer plant. With its deep green leaves and pink pin stripes, I was intrigued. As with all plants in my possession, I immediately read what I could about this plant: they grew on the floor of the Amazon, they needed moist soil and not too much direct sunlight. There was something about this plant that moved so dramatically at times, I could hear its leaves ruffle, that captured my imagination. I wondered if we had met each other before, through some ancestral exchange, many many years ago, deep in the Amazon? I'm sure at least one of my ancestors gazed upon one. 
This sparked a compulsion to buy tropical plants. If I couldn't be in Trinidad, then I was going to make Trinidad come here. I couldn't stop. I bought monsteras, ferns, alocasias, even a coconut tree which I thought would die but survived the dark Danish winter. This is how I ended up with the caladium pictured above. Its leaves took me back to Trinidad and the many plants my grandmother grew not just in her yard, but in beautiful terracotta pots put to stand on our gallery - what we call a porch in Trinidad. 
So I fell in love with this plant - as I did with all of my other fifty or so plants, and my heart faltered as it began to wane last fall, it's last large leaf falling like any other great empire. We all have to fall - no matter how beautiful. No matter how regal. And it did. Its beautiful white browning, its strong stalk faltering. I chopped it at last, left the soil to dry out and knew that under the soil there were treasures to be found. 
I kept the corms. I told myself that at the first sign of warmth, I will plant them and wait. I hadn't expected it to work, to be honest. And after I planted them, embedded them in moist soil and placed them on the windowsill, I then had the gall to leave town, much longer than expected and although Christian Mohammed takes care of my plants while I'm gone - I hadn't wanted to trouble him with the pot of soil that had no signs of life. I thought that was asking too much. 
When I returned, I found shoots. The soil was dry and so I watered, knowing that it was quite possible that I had blown it - these stalks were dead. But. Lo and behold - it continued to grow. And I suppose that's why I surround myself with an insane number of plants. Because although we humans are not deserving, well, at least many of us - my soul is enthralled with the magic of it all; of this ability to seemingly halt its growth, rest during the darkest months and suddenly, push through the darkness, producing - according to its DNA some of the. most resplendent leaves I (and certainly my ancestors) have ever laid our eyes upon. And perhaps you too. Aren't they beautiful? 
Some of my best teachers are plants. 
All I have to do is shut up, listen and observe. It's free too. 
adieu, 
the lab 

Friends

Gratitude

 to friends 

who kiss 

your hand

 and so 

mend your

 heart. 

 

Lesley-Ann Brown's Page

Profile Information

About Me:
Author of "Decolonial Daughter: Letters from a Black Woman to her European Son" - a book that examines, through letters the impact of colonialism on Indigenous and Black communities in the Caribbean. Using the author's personal lineage as a map, Decolonial Daughter shows that history is now.
Occupation:
Writer
Education:
BA in Writing & Literature, The New School, NYC
Contact Information:
blackgirlonmars@gmail.com
Research Interests:
Caribbean History and Indigenous Cultures the world over. Pre-colonial and Post-colonial.
Publications:
Decolonial Daughter: Letters from a Black Woman to her European Son (Repeater Books, 2018).
Another link:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&am...
My Website:
http://blackgirlonmars.blogspot.com

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Bureau 39--Call for Submissions



Bandit Queen Press is Proud to Present

The first edition of the zine

Bureau 39: The Ultimate Weapon

This is an Open Call for Complete and Utter Submission:

Bureau 39 wants your creation:

Writing (creative or otherwise); illustration, photography.

Send in your creative response by July 31st , subject line "Bureau 39" to… Continue

Posted on June 23, 2008 at 3:41pm

The Mothers of Memory--Chapter 3

Years before the stumbling upon the so-called New World the Portuguese had already penetrated the Western coast of Africa to bring home gold dust, strange fruits and African slaves. They beat back the bush like a lion tamer with a whip and leave but nothingness in their wake. They conduct business with others who can not fathom the destiny of this trade. In this continent that is called Africa, humanity’s vanity falls to its knees in the presence of alien creations and lives are exchanged… Continue

Posted on April 6, 2008 at 5:00pm

Comment Wall (29 comments)

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At 1:39pm on January 5, 2024, Ronald Morris said…

Good day,
I picked interest in you after going through your short profile and demanding it is necessary for me to write to you immediately. I have something very important to disclose to you, but I found it difficult to express myself here, since it's a public site.Could you please get back to me on (ronaldmorr001@gmail.com) for full details.
Best regards,

At 1:39pm on January 5, 2024, Ronald Morris said…

Good day,
I picked interest in you after going through your short profile and demanding it is necessary for me to write to you immediately. I have something very important to disclose to you, but I found it difficult to express myself here, since it's a public site.Could you please get back to me on (ronaldmorr001@gmail.com) for full details.
Best regards,

At 7:42pm on November 28, 2010, Melinda Maxwell-Gibb gave Lesley-Ann Brown a gift
At 12:25am on September 26, 2008, Miguel Sague Jr said…
This is the sacred song of Ata bey the Cosmic matriarch Earth mother and water mother

sound file

AtaBey_Song.wav

text file lyrics:
SONG_TO_ATA_BEY.doc

Song of Yoka Hu the celestial father spirit, the spirit of Life and Energy, the spirit of the Sun and the soul of the yuca plant

sound file
Yoka_Hu_song.wav

text file lyrics:
SONG_TO_YOKA_HU.doc

Song dedicated to the spirits of the four directions South, West, North and East

sound file:
Four_Directions_Song.wav

text file lyrics:

SONG_OF_THE_FOUR_DIRECTIONS.doc

Song dedicated to the fact that the menstrual cycle that manifests in the body of human women is reflected in the monthly lunar cycle of the Cosmic Mother

Sound file:

Sacred_Words_of_the_Mon_Ceremony.wav

text file lyrics
SONG_OF_THE_FULL_MOON_CEREMONY.doc
At 9:06pm on September 24, 2008, raiseculture said…

rooster clan visiting from next door (Governor's Harbour, Eleuthera, BAHAMAS)

yes1, ...we've met b4 & i think it was in philly, maybe from pam africa. wonderful 2 c u here! holla@ me.

raiseculture
At 6:58am on August 14, 2008, SunBow said…
I watched the video you added and very interesting indeed I rearly get to speak much with people like your self so I would like to add you as a friend lesley-ann

take care & be cool drew
At 7:33pm on August 2, 2008, oronde ash said…
i will look for the publishing book when i get some money... i'm starving right now... brutal truth.
At 6:57pm on August 1, 2008, Caracoli said…
Please tell us of your experiences with the drink "Maubi"
on the environmental round table. we love to hear your comments
At 12:12am on July 31, 2008, Maximilian Forte said…
Where are you my friend? I am still hoping to get news of your trip, and to talk over some plans we had with Guanaguanare, slow to evolve of course, like the best things.
At 12:31pm on July 30, 2008, Caracoli said…
Thanks for clarifying, great video
 
 
 

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